Tag: depression
-
Circle Game
I almost never do this; write a post that I intend to publish immediately without worrying and overthinking about how to frame my thoughts. Nothing but a cursory edit. My dreams are sad and dark lately. Sad for my younger self as I navigate parenting my now adult child. I am sitting in a waiting room…
-
The Little Train of Thought That Couldn’t Stop Itself…
Or, Fuck Motivation Feb. 1, 2025 Today I attended a music recital in which the child of my boyfriend was performing. About halfway through I started to cry, which shocked and embarrassed me. I am not one to cry, or express any emotion, really, if I can help it. Fighting emotions requires a ton of…
-
2025!
January 5, 2025 I haven’t written a post in so long… Life exploded, as it is wont to do. I wish that I could write about how life exploded, but I am trying to “Mary Karr” my way through by not writing about things when they are too raw. A good memoir is written when…
-
Beauty and Terror
Sunday, October 13, 2024 Below is the draft of a piece on gratitude that I was composing, complete with the working title “Fuck Gratitude”. The point forms were to be the general outline. There have been many interrobang moments for me around gratitude, when advice meant to help me actually harmed me. I have recently…
-
Hypocrisy: Calling Myself Out
May 25, 2024 I am sitting in a family counseling appointment with my child who uses the pronoun “it”, holding my breath and dreading the expected onslaught of rage and resentment that often comes my way during these meetings. I am so done with therapy; I have been in personal counseling off and on for…
-
The Summer of 70 Books
Monday, March 25, 2024 The Summer of 70 Books During the summer of 2021, my mental health had declined to the point that I finally realized that I was severely suicidal and needed to go on some meds. One of the things I was doing to avoid facing how I was really feeling was to…
-
On Quitting Self-Blame
On Quitting Self-Blame February 24, 2024 The first time I went to therapy after my child was born, it was because my then husband Garrett told me that there was something wrong with me and I needed to fix myself. He said this while he was having his first affair (which he would not admit…
-
In Defense of Self-Compassion
In Defense of Self-Compassion January 30, 2024 Ironically, the only person I feel the need to defend self-compassion to is… ME! The original title of this piece was going to be Fuck Self-Compassion or something equally erudite. There’s a whole series of posts in my drafts called Fuck Motivation, Fuck Vulnerability, Fuck Gratitude, and, well,…
-
Reaction to Polley Book
Reaction to Polley Book Thursday, January 4, 2024 Preamble After working really hard for years to recover from a concussion, I was feeling hopeless and seriously depressed. When Sarah Polley wrote her book Run Towards the Danger, people started suggesting that I read it. I read it right around the time that two doctors had…
-
Interrobang: On Suicidal Ideation
On Suicidal Ideation December 31, 2023 This is normal… This can happen with repeat concussions… This is nothing to worry about… This is just your life now… You’re fine, everything is fine… I reassured myself as I pulled into the garage. I sat for a few minutes, breathing deeply in an attempt to slow the…
Interrobang Me Hard, Baby 