Tag: grief
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Unstuck in Time…
November 2025 (I’m pretty sure) I don’t even know what day it is. Sometimes I have to really think to figure out the month, or the year, or my actual age. I recently turned 50 and had to keep reminding myself that I wasn’t turning 40, or 30, or 60. I just knew it was…
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Circle Game
I almost never do this; write a post that I intend to publish immediately without worrying and overthinking about how to frame my thoughts. Nothing but a cursory edit. My dreams are sad and dark lately. Sad for my younger self as I navigate parenting my now adult child. I am sitting in a waiting room…
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The Little Train of Thought That Couldn’t Stop Itself…
Or, Fuck Motivation Feb. 1, 2025 Today I attended a music recital in which the child of my boyfriend was performing. About halfway through I started to cry, which shocked and embarrassed me. I am not one to cry, or express any emotion, really, if I can help it. Fighting emotions requires a ton of…
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I am a Gaslighting Hypocrite – On Politics
Jan 26, 2025 I feel like a horrible person who has been gaslighting a minority. I have spent the past few years trying to reassure my transgender child, who is now an adult, that just because people vote conservative for fiscal reasons it doesn’t mean that they agree with the social agenda put forth by…
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Throwdown: Acceptance vs. Hope
Tuesday, September 15, 2024 Ahh, the massive interrobang of hope. The working title of this post has been “Fuck Hope” for quite some time, but I’m trying to be less sweary. Hope is supposed to be positive, something you turn to in moments of darkness and despair to get you through, but I have often…
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Mango Pits
Tuesday, June 25, 2024 For some time now, I have been working through Rupi Kaur’s book “Healing Through Words” which is essentially a collection of guided writing prompts and some instruction on and insight into her writing process. She has some very short yet powerful poems which she calls “peach pits” because you start with…
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On Quitting Self-Blame
On Quitting Self-Blame February 24, 2024 The first time I went to therapy after my child was born, it was because my then husband Garrett told me that there was something wrong with me and I needed to fix myself. He said this while he was having his first affair (which he would not admit…
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In Defense of Self-Compassion
In Defense of Self-Compassion January 30, 2024 Ironically, the only person I feel the need to defend self-compassion to is… ME! The original title of this piece was going to be Fuck Self-Compassion or something equally erudite. There’s a whole series of posts in my drafts called Fuck Motivation, Fuck Vulnerability, Fuck Gratitude, and, well,…
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What Goes Around…
What Goes Around… February 2010 Rage. I am feeling intense, roiling, nauseating rage but I can not show it. If I show an ounce of emotion I will be labelled a hysterical mom and no one will take me seriously. “Yeah, things are fine. It doesn’t really affect our lives at all.“ Rage. My husband…
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Reaction to Polley Book
Reaction to Polley Book Thursday, January 4, 2024 Preamble After working really hard for years to recover from a concussion, I was feeling hopeless and seriously depressed. When Sarah Polley wrote her book Run Towards the Danger, people started suggesting that I read it. I read it right around the time that two doctors had…
Interrobang Me Hard, Baby 