I am a Gaslighting Hypocrite – On Politics

Jan 26, 2025

I feel like a horrible person who has been gaslighting a minority. 

I have spent the past few years trying to reassure my transgender child, who is now an adult, that just because people vote conservative for fiscal reasons it doesn’t mean that they agree with the social agenda put forth by the far right. That just because the UCP was voted in, it does not mean that their rights as a transgender individual are at risk. I have called my now adult child a paranoid extremist for being so terrified of something that I thought would never, ever, happen. 

I can’t even begin to process the hate and bullshit that is coming to light today. I have never considered ending relationships because of the political views of others. I have always had pride in my ability to see both sides and find the pragmatic middle ground. Today, I can’t find one. Today, I feel like a hypocrite. To me, that is the absolute worst thing a person can be. 

The people who are voting for the UCP in Alberta because they think the NDP will bankrupt the province have given power to people who… UGH… There’s no point. I feel defeated. I feel exhausted. I am not even a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I am just the parent of one, and I now feel like the things I have said in an attempt to assuage their panic are akin to gaslighting. 

I try to keep this as anonymous as possible for privacy reasons because I share some extremely personal things on this blog, but I will say that we are in Alberta, Canada. Our Premier is someone I have been terrified of since I moved here in 2008 because of her views on education. I am a teacher. She has taken away some significant rights of transgender families under the guise of giving power to parents, while simultaneously taking away the rights of parents to choose medical care for their children. Saying one thing while doing the opposite. It’s terrifying. 

My child wanted to end relationships with anyone who voted UCP in the last provincial election. We had heated conversations in which I told it (yes, my child uses the pronoun it) that it was worse than the people who voted UCP because it was painting all of them with the same brush. Being the very thing they claimed to hate. I now wish I could eat those words. I feel intense guilt. 

I don’t like to talk politics. I don’t like to cause waves or conflict. I give people the benefit of the doubt every single time. A few years back, a close friend of mine sent me some documents to make sure I knew about the evil transgender agenda, and that I was informed about the radical changes coming with the rise of Trump. She didn’t know that my child had recently come out, and we are not connected on social media. I did not respond to her when she sent me this:

This is just the first page of dozens, and I ended up deleting the files she sent me because I couldn’t stop sobbing and I thought I was going to vomit. One of the things I remember about the dozens of pages of literal insanity was the claim that the government had been infiltrated by transgender people and most of the democrats were actually transgender impostors. That the real people were being kept somewhere while their transgender doppelganger was out in the world causing chaos and trying to take over. That applied to almost all of Hollywood too. It just went on and on and on with these insane conspiracy theories only they weren’t theories, it was presented as absolute fact and I was supposed to feel special and chosen because someone had determined that I was worthy of reading the truth. 

I did not feel special or chosen. I felt ashamed because someone actually thought that I would respond to this type of thing in agreement. It made me realize that in my attempt to not make waves or cause conflict in relationships I had not made my own moral code known. I was under the impression that anyone who knows me, who sees how I live my life, would know that I will always choose kindness and compassion. I will always open my home to a friend in need. I will always go without so that someone less fortunate can have a chance. I felt that my actions spoke louder than any words ever could. 

I was wrong. I feel intense shame. 

I have never felt exhaustion like this. 

If there is no political party that is moderate, balancing fiscal responsibility with compassion for others, then it is time to become more politically active and push for change within the parties. The left leaning parties need to be more fiscally conservative so that people are not left with no choice but to vote for monsters who are taking away the rights of the most maligned, misunderstood, judged, feared, and hated members of society. 

Yes. Strong words. My child has been severely mistreated due to its gender identity. Not only by peers, but by adults, and adults in positions of power. If you don’t think there’s hate out there for trans people, then it’s time for you to open your eyes and ears. Befriend a trans person, or a person who has a trans child, and listen to their stories. Listen. And listen some more. And then don’t say “Well that’s just the extremists, most people don’t believe that.” I used to think that. Now I don’t. Not when the UCP is in Alberta making ludicrous, harmful policies, the consequences of which they do not even comprehend. Not when I have been to two different pubs in the past week which featured men in red hats talking LOUDLY about the fucking freaks that are going to learn their place now that Trump is in. Talking LOUDLY about the FUCKING IMMIGRANTS. Proud and emboldened to spew their hate.

I can’t think about this anymore today. I feel intense guilt that I reassured my child for so long and was proven wrong. I will end with a wave making, line in the sand, conflict ridden statement: If you are supporting the UCP or any party that is not 100% in support of human rights for every single person, if you are telling yourself that fiscal policy is more important than human rights, then you are choosing the side of the bully unless you are vocally opposing the human rights violations by being an active member of the party. Writing letters. Going to meetings and making your concerns and views known. None of the UCP supporters I know personally do any of that, and I am not able to remain impartial any longer. When you know me and claim to love me and my child, you don’t vote for people who are actively causing them harm. And if you do, you become active in the party to let them know that  you voted for them for fiscal reasons and you do NOT support their social policies. 

I have been trying to get through to the parties I do support, to beg them to be more fiscally conservative so that moderate conservatives can vote for them. There is this false dichotomy which is pervasive in North America, that we can either be fiscally conservative OR care about human rights. That is complete and utter bullshit.